This job-hunting process is really testing my feeling of worthiness. However, after every stage, every application, every interview, every setback, though it does feel harsh and upsetting to start with, I am standing taller each time and getting stronger and stronger as time goes on.
At each stage, there is opportunity for growth as it propels me to keep on improving myself each time, thinking about where I might have tripped up, what I can do better next time, how I can move forward in the best possible way as it’s really the only way of giving me the best chance of manifesting the job that is right for me, which of course is a positive thing. However, it can be a real struggle, pushing through those fears and limiting beliefs at the same time, holding onto faith in self, but at the same time, not letting these rejections knock my confidence, embracing positive thoughts in knowing that there is something better out there for me at the right time, that this whole process which is filled with obstacles and hurdles is actually helping me get closer towards the job that’s meant for me.
In the meantime though, whilst the job search continues, I do have to keep looking after myself in the process – and sometimes, I am learning this too, we do need a clean break from it all too to recharge.
At the end of April, I went on a Chakra Dancing and Creative Meditation retreat for 6 nights, and it was an amazing experience. Wow, what a week it was. A wonderful new adventure for me, lots of new friendships made with more like minded people who love music and dance, a new project for me to add to my musical portfolio and a new chapter in my personal development journey.
I haven’t been away from my kids or husband this long in a very long time, so I’m very grateful to have had this time away. My kids were all ok in the end, even my youngest, though he did take a couple of days to accept that I was away and that I couldn’t look after him as I usually do. I had to make sure I didn’t call him otherwise I would cause him too much upset (after my first attempt at calling him after supper on the first night I was away). Saying that, he did send me a cute video a couple of days later saying “I want to kiss you all day” as he was missing me and “can I come home on Sunday” (which is when I was planning on coming home), so although I didn’t talk to him all week, I did receive these two videos which was nice, reassuring and lovely to receive.
Diving into the unknown without any expectations other than to have lots of fun, gain a whole new wealth of inspiration and learn how to nurture my spiritual self ie my happiest self was bliss. Time to focus on me and my wellbeing… I love this kind of stuff, learning and growing, getting more in touch with myself, allowing myself the freedom to express myself in a positive light so people around me also get the best of me.
The positive energy on the retreat was so contagious. Chakra Dancing was also so much fun!!! I was with a beautiful group of women who attended this retreat who I really connected with… Between us, we shed tears but laughed so much, and then released some more. Every day, we danced and learned new skills, we meditated, learned to create meditations ourselves, making sure we worked through all the energy centres in the body, all the 7 Chakras, that they were nourished from the bottom, the Root, all the way to the top, the Crown. Each of the chakras has their own role to play in contributing to our overall wellness – it was a magical experience. I also learned about Qigong (pronounced Chi Gong) and loved incorporating these slow flow exercises at the end of the dance routine or towards the end alongside the more calm, tranquil music.
Now, I’m working on how to incorporate everything I’ve learned on the retreat into my everyday life which is of course more of a challenge now I’m out of that “bubble” and back to reality. However, I did come back from the retreat refreshed and ready to incorporate new self-care routines into my diary.
Whilst I was out there, I realised that my journey is very clearly around sound healing, which explains my passion for music and singing, and all that has followed on from there. I also realised on this retreat that it’s been almost 6 months since I last played the flute. Somehow along the way, I’ve gotten lost in motherhood, in grief and moving house over the past year and a half, that I lost motivation to play it like I used to, and I couldn’t get back into it, though I knew in the back of my mind, I’ve never stopped loving playing this beautiful instrument and I do want to rekindle my love for the flute. So, behind the scenes, as I speak, I am taking steps to make sure I start playing regularly again. My Mum would love to hear that I’m playing, so this is a good enough reason to kick myself back into gear. It was lovely to play my Native American Sparrow Hawk flute again last week – it really does help to fill my cup up that bit more with joy, which is always very much appreciated. Playing a musical instrument is a brilliant mindful activity and a great way to unwind.
I realised also whilst away, that music isn’t just what I listen or sing to, it’s who I AM, it’s a really big part of my spiritual self, my well-being, the part of me that makes me feel whole and human and needs to be nurtured. It’s such a great outlet. Everything else is what I DO – but music is great soul food that helps to fuel my positive energy in the right direction and helps me feel a close connection with myself, think more clearly and be more productive.
Aside from playing the flute, although I haven’t really delved too much into it yet, I do find it all very fascinating how sound can heal your body, how the frequencies of sound can be incredibly relaxing and energising. I participated in a sound bath using gongs at the end of the retreat. We lay down as if we were about to meditate under a nice, cozy blanket. It was an incredible experience. I’ve never experienced anything like this – it really felt like I was having an internal massage, that I was able to breathe like I’ve not done before in such a deep way, unknotting any balls of tightness and stress as the frequencies of sound travelled up and down my body, making me feel so expansive, taking me to an amazing, peaceful place. I ended up being the last to wake up from this trance like state though I could have stayed there for ages, but at some point, I did have to wake up!
On that note, what can you do today to fill your cup, unleash your positive energy within and feel your best self?