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  • Author: Sara Benveniste

Enjoy your own company

Alone time, especially on holiday, or any quiet time away from all the distractions around the house, the chores, the chauffeuring, the rushing about, is a perfect chance for us to really create that space in our minds to think about ourselves and our needs, whether it is to just take things at a slower pace and chill at home, pamper ourselves, go for a swim, go to the beach (if you are lucky to have one nearby), read your book, go for a walk and breathe in the fresh air outside, enjoy the sunshine, eat healthy food, listen to music, enjoy family time, paint or even just do any kind of activity you love, which can also include work especially if this is your passion… Whatever it is, just focus, and be intentional with what you are doing to make sure you are using your time wisely as best as you can. There is only a finite amount of time… we have to make the most of it whilst it lasts.

Multitasking is something as a mum I have always had to get used to doing, but it can get so overwhelming having so much to do at once. I don’t always know where to start, and as more things get added to the list, other things accidentally fall off the radar, especially if I don’t always manage to write it down on my task list. Multitasking is very draining and stressful too at times, so wherever possible, I do make a conscious effort to just focus on one thing at a time, even if the kids are around (though it is more challenging with all the interruptions and general chaos). It’s that much easier and more relaxing not having to worry about anything else but that one task, whatever it is you are trying to achieve in all areas of your life, which is why I am constantly building new little habits into my life that I can call mine and that slowly over time just become a part of me….

Time alone can be well-spent. It is a great opportunity to get to know yourself again, what your needs are in the moment and just finding that regular slot of time to fit you into the picture, to get to know you again, to validate yourself and meet your needs, even in a very small way. Even if you don’t have the luxury of alone time all the time, if you can spare a few minutes at a time during the day to focus on an activity, or just a little quiet time, anything at all. To distance yourselves from the voices around you really helps clear your mind, to hear your own voice – it does help to make you feel more calm, and bring you back to the essence of who you are, not being defined by anyone else but yourself, to help you figure out your next steps, recharge your batteries, to be able to face the music as it “plays” throughout the day.

What’s your mission?

As well as relaxing on holiday over the past week (back to reality now), I have been busy developing myself some more and have managed to read some new books, which I am really enjoying, one of which is called the Empowered Artist by Bob Baker. After ploughing through this book, which I am still working my way through, I realised my mission has evolved since I first thought about it… I have now updated my home page to reflect this.

The key thing I realised I needed to do whilst reading through the book and thinking through the “homework” questions along the way, was to define more clearly what my mission is in order to be able to set myself some clear goals, in working out what really matters to me and what kind of value I can offer to others. This can then help to guide me towards and translate into the little action steps that I will need to take to achieve my goals, which now more clearly align with my mission, to help parents and people with low energy like myself feel empowered to make positive change in their life through developing a healthy mindset, lots of self-love, good nutrition, music and language.

Have you ever thought about what kind of things you would like to achieve in your lifetime, how you might want to make a difference in some way, both to yourself and others too?

One of the key areas I will now be focusing more on every single day is my love of music, whether it is mindful listening, singing along to the radio in the car or songs on YouTube, or else, more importantly, playing my flute – just making that time during the day for each of these activities, even if for a few minutes at a time, has now become a priority and a part of who I am.

Like with my 10-15 minute exercise routine in the morning, I have decided to develop a new habit, and that is to squeeze in some regular daily flute practice, as I have gotten a bit slack the past few months and generally since my third child was born, and not kept it up as much as I would have liked. I stopped playing the flute for 18 years after I did my A-Levels, took it up again after I had my second child, and reached Grade 5 within a year of having lessons (almost to the level I was at when I was 18 years old). I don’t want to let it slide again, as I now realise I need to share this musical gift I have developed over the years, and can really use it to my advantage to make a difference somehow in the world outside of me, and not just keep it all to myself. It can be very lonely being a mum, and so I, amongst a lot of other mums out there too, often crave that opportunity for interaction with other adults. With all the rushing around and stress of being a mum managing the kids, I have found that music does really help to fill in the gaps, and gives me access to that healthy place to express myself.

Depending on my mood and energy levels throughout the day, there are certain songs I like to listen to everyday that help to remind me of my goals and who I strive to be, the authentic version of myself, and really help to motivate me and give me a boost in energy. The hope is that I can use this creativity to develop a plan of action to help others to understand the important role which music can play in their life, and the way it can really help them to grow their mindset to self-motivate, and to build self-confidence and self-esteem.

Have you ever thought about a detox?

There is so much we can do ourselves outside of seeing doctors and taking prescribed medicines and supplements. Although doctors do an amazing job which we can all be really grateful for, it’s not just about what the medical professionals say when it comes to our health. There is so much else you can do aswell.

There are so many alternative natural remedies and supplements I have tried out, bought from health food shops, pharmacies, acupuncture clinics and supermarkets for example, including herbal and Chinese remedies and homeopathic remedies too, all of which I have experimented with over the last 25 years to help alleviate my aches and pains, headaches, migraines and tummy upsets, help me sleep, give me more energy, and help me stay healthy. Acupuncture and massage has also been really therapeutic to me too, and has been a lifesaver for me over the years, especially at the times my aches and pains flare up.

Many years ago when I had Kinesiology, I tried changing my diet and detoxing from dairy, as this is what I was advised to do at the time. I didn’t find it made much of a difference but managed to do this for 3 months, including a trip to the States, which wasn’t an easy place to buy dairy free meals, but somehow I just about managed. It wasn’t worth it to cut out dairy out of my diet at the time as I simply didn’t feel the benefits of cutting it out.

Fast forward approximately 20 years, I have now mostly cut gluten out of my diet, and eat a low sugar and dairy diet, but it was all a very slow process. I started by cutting the white carbs out of my diet and switched to wholegrains instead as it was better for my gut health, and even just making this change, I noticed my tummy upsets subside. However, over time, I noticed that I had to reduce the amount of wheat generally in my diet, even if it was the healthier type, as I just didn’t feel so good after it. All that happens when I get a lot of tummy upsets, is that my back pain just gets worse. So over time, I have been on a mission to reduce the inflammation in my body, and reduce the flare ups I get from my chronic pain with Fibromyalgia. Better nutrition has been key for me in increasing my energy and losing a whole load of weight too!

Last year, I also did something called a 6 week adrenal detox through a local homeopath, Tracey W Lockwood , and although it did feel a bit slow at first, by the end, my energy had picked up some more and I felt my brain fog had cleared a bit too, which is always a good thing, as it helps me to be more productive during the day. We had to stay in contact regularly over the course of the 6 weeks as my remedies had to be changed and strengthened as time went on. Tracey was lovely to work with too, very responsive to my messages and attentive to my individual needs.

As we all get older, it is so important to look after ourselves and be sensitive to our own body’s needs in order to get the best out of life. It is hard work but you are worth the effort. We only get to live once after all…

Don’t be afraid to shine!

For those of you who are film enthusiasts, I saw the Green Book at the cinema on Saturday night, I was a bit unsure what to expect though I did hear good reviews about it.

It was a mix of a sad, heartfelt but also an uplifting film about an African-American man in the US who was a famous pianist who went on a tour of the Deep South of America, and the battles he had to encounter purely because of his race and skin colour.

Despite the hardships, challenges and hostility at that time for the black people (early 1960s), he had achieved so much for himself, but he didn’t feel like he fit in, even with his own people – he was so scared to shine his light over his own people as he thought they would judge him in a negative way purely based on the fact that he had done really well for himself. He kept himself and his true shine hidden and didn’t share it for a long time.

There was such a heartwarming moment in the film, where he finally played for a big crowd of black people in a bar he went to after being treated badly, and they absolutely loved him, his energy, his music, his gift. And only then did he realise, yeah he can do this again – and I could really feel his emotion in that part of the film, how happy he felt, more than just the regular smiles at the end of each of his performances. He could just be himself and nothing else mattered. It was quite a special moment.

So don’t be afraid to shine. The world needs your light. Don’t dim your light to make people feel comfortable

And go and see this film!

Breaking free from the fear!!!

I realise I have been holding back from talking about something in particular that I am very passionate about, that has played a really important role in my life and part of one of my struggles I managed to overcome, learning foreign languages with moderate hearing loss.

Language is the essence of who I am despite my struggles and imperfections. As well as of course being an enjoyable experience, it was hard for me learning foreign languages, especially when it came to understanding conversations in groups or during listening tests with lots of background noise, and simply just learning in a large class. I remember in my late teens, my audiologist was really excited and proud for me when he found out I did really well in foreign languages at school and had gotten into a good university, and he did his best to support me at the time. It was unusual for someone with my level of hearing loss to excel at that kind of subject.

On this note, I have realised that these language skills I have are in fact my “hidden gem” and I need to get it out in the open and flaunt it as this is what I am all about, what makes me valuable, the talent I have been gifted with, that I would like to share – it would be a shame not to share it. Creative writing has been extremely healing for me, and even though it is a skill that I have discovered only recently, this is something I have realised I am naturally good at and need to show off more!!!

I hope I have given you some food for thought and inspiration!

Being imperfectly perfect

Are you someone who doesn’t like to stand out from the crowd and just wants to fit in and be like everyone else? It’s a nice concept in theory, but the truth is that we are all different, every single one of us is unique, though we may of course share common interests and similar personalities. We don’t need to follow people like sheep!

We should all celebrate our differences and be proud of who we are and what we have become, whatever race, religion, disability you have, as it does not define you in terms of limiting what you can achieve. If anything, be proud of the struggles you have overcome, your achievements, and push beyond what you have always thought you were capable of, your limiting beliefs, as this is what puts up a big barrier to achieving what you want to in life. Embrace who you are, your imperfections, and love them – there is nothing we can do to change them.

It’s much easier to accept your imperfections and give them the credit they deserve rather than doing the opposite which can make life hard to bear and suck the joy out of you. We need to make the most of the life we have been blessed with, and count our blessings as much as we can, and just be grateful for the life we have been given. We don’t have a choice – be proud of who you are and your scars. They all have a unique story to tell, YOU.

Change is scary but necessary if we are to evolve

You might be thinking why bother changing when you are comfortable doing what you are doing, surviving rather than thriving – life is easier this way just being stuck doing things the way we have always done it, stuck in our own way of being, which we think can’t be changed…

In fact, your past doesn’t have to define you, you can recreate your future by transforming the way you think. Even though change can be seen negatively, it really can be a positive thing – it opens up new doors, new opportunities, another perspective, another chance for you to grow and evolve.

We are all ageing by the day, none of us are getting any younger, and this, as well as my past experiences, struggles and everyday stresses, I find is one of the factors that is contributing towards my shift in thinking and the way I am evolving more each day.

We need to look after ourselves more as we grow older. My new way of thinking, otherwise known as my mindset, gets me asking myself questions about what’s out there in the Universe that I am truly destined to be doing, my inner purpose, how can I evolve into the best person I can be and how do I want the world to see me.

Everyone has a purpose, we don’t always know what it is, so we have to look for it. It’s like a treasure hunt, so there can be some interesting findings, especially if it is something you didn’t even know existed inside of you – it could be a newfound feeling or talent you didn’t know you had, or maybe it is something you have always wanted to do but never thought you were capable of.

Sometimes we need to take one step closer and look inside ourselves and ask what is it you would like to change about yourselves and how is it you want to live your life, how you would like to see the world in the future, and how do you fit into it all. Even if there is a risk you might fail, it’s still worth taking a chance. You are worth that chance – we are only blessed with one life, and we must make the most of it, otherwise what’s the point.

Often people are scared of change, scared of what might happen, and what other people think around them. The truth is it doesn’t matter, because the people who are meant to be in our lives, will be the ones who stay and will be loyal. If you are true to yourself, you will attract the right kind of people who love you for who you are. It is only when you are consistent, pay yourself the attention you truly deserve, you will start to see results and your mind shifting, and your negative thoughts will lessen over time as you become more conscious of who you are as a person and how you can make your mark in the world and impact people around you.

Change is exciting, it’s just getting through all those initial hurdles, and through it all, more importantly feeding our minds with strength and love, so that you are able to start to see the brighter view on the other side. It’s never too late to start over and build a better future for yourself.

What does joy really even mean?

Joy can be defined in so many different ways.  Very simply, it comes down to one thing though, the feeling of happiness and pleasure within. But how do we create this if it’s not something that is natural to you, or you are surrounded by stress and negativity in your everyday lives, and are unsure of how to be positive in the face of adversity and struggle?

Have you ever tried to reconnect with yourself as a child, feeling that thing that really excites you, that you really love doing, the thing or people around you even that make your energy shoot up and make you feel happy inside? Or maybe you are really happy for someone else when they have achieved something great, or when someone has made you laugh for some reason, that makes you glow inside? Or maybe you have done something yourself selfless for someone else that has made them happy?

The only way to experience real, authentic joy is to ignite the light within you, and do things every single day to make us feel joy inside – this light can be found within every one of us (even though we may not be able to see it yet), and from personal experience, I have found that the more you shine your light and value your own self, and actually put it into practice and show yourself value, the more positive energy you will let off to the outside world and other people will start to value you and see you for what you are worth too, for who you really are.

I have always been one of those people that procrastinate and worry about what other people think of me, scared of being judged, of saying the wrong thing, of failing other people’s expectations, but the truth is that this is all a load of rubbish that is flying around in my head – they are just made up thoughts essentially, and not real. It does however seem very real, simply because the thoughts inside my head have created my reality. Like attracts like, so if you constantly give off a negative vibe, you will tend to attract more negative energy, and life may tend to feel hard and get you down more regularly than you would like. Negativity takes up a lot of space, time and energy, and needs to be limited as much as possible.

Positivity is a way of life, it’s a choice you can make about how you live to get the best out of life that you can, despite any obstacles that come your way.  The more you feed yourself with positivity, the more you will want – it’s quite addictive, but a good kind, and infectious too. When you start making a conscious effort to boost your self-esteem and confidence, you will notice the people all around you are changing too, which is such an amazing feeling, because the energy is shifting in a positive, contagious way.

Therefore, if you get into the habit of consciously feeding your mind with positive thoughts, stimulating your mind with things that bring you joy every day, then you will start to feel positive more regularly, and suddenly, life will just feel easier to manage. You don’t need to get sucked into negativity. Life isn’t easy, so we do need to pick our battles, especially as a parent, and know that some battles just aren’t worth fighting, and it’s important to just let these go as and when they come along, if only for our own peace of mind, to create more room for joy in life and to feel more energetic and motivate yourself to get through the day.

And don’t forget to appreciate these people that stick around and evolve with you, and of course any new people that come your way on your journey, it’s a very special thing to witness and experience. Be your own hero – take a look inside your heart. Though it is a long road, it’s worth every second of the journey and the emptiness will slowly disappear over time.

Believe in yourself and be patient – you’ll find your way.

Let’s remove the stigma of mental health

Studying my own mind and changing my mindset has been so fascinating to me on my journey of personal growth and development… and based on personal experience, I don’t feel that this practice should only be restricted to only those people who have been diagnosed with any kind of depression or mental illness in their life. Everyone can benefit!

Mental health affects EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US, men, women and children, to varying degrees of course – so we must ALL look after our mind!!! There is always so much emphasis on improving our physical health, but there is still a lot of stigma around having mental health issues, which means that some people don’t always get the help they really need in order to become the best version that they can BE of themselves, to see themselves in their TRUE colours, to experience true HAPPINESS.

Like with managing our physical health, keeping our body in shape, maintaining and improving our energy levels, our MIND too need to be managed on a regular basis. We need to NOURISH our mind ASWELL as our body, with goodness, and FEED it with joy, love and positivity as much as possible EVERY SINGLE DAY, as well as doing what our body needs to stay healthy and strong.

Our mind and body needs to work together to be able to achieve any goals we want to achieve for ourselves. As you start to develop a STRONG MINDSET, it is much easier to stay motivated, be consistent with any new habits you are trying or would like to develop. It is easier to keep it all up long term, ESPECIALLY when you start feeling the benefits, FEELING GOOD INSIDE and seeing your overall quality of life, happiness and self-worth improve. The longer you are consistent with your new healthier habits, the harder it is to go back to the old ones, as you will notice the difference in how you FEEL, and you will WANT to be feeling that good kind of feeling again, one that you look up to, that you want to keep going back to, that feeling that gets you through the day knowing that YOU ARE WORTH IT after all.

Parenting is hard and there are so many challenges that we come across at different ages that can affect our everyday sanity – it’s not easy and we need to give ourselves more credit for getting through the obstacles and battles we have to face as a parent without any previous training!!! We are human beings, just like our children, and we are learning on the job, so mistakes are sometimes made along the way. There is NO SHAME in making MISTAKES – mistakes should be seen as a good thing as this is how we LEARN and GROW, how we learn to do better next time…

You are NOT defined by the obstacles you face in your life but your determination to get over them and make a better, more productive and fulfilled, happy life for yourselves. And you are worth giving up that time to make it all happen.

If you are interested in encouraging your children to learn about and grow their mindset, Big Life Journal have some fab teaching resources for kids – you can learn with them too which can be a nice bonding experience, and you can be on the same page as your kids.

Time is so precious and we should make the most of each day that comes. The time is now xxx

What’s your “power word” for 2019?

There has been talk recently about how it’s a really good idea to have a “Power Word” for each new year that comes our way because with everything we do in our life, this word will give us something to look up or back to in order to guide us in the right direction to help us achieve our goals – it’s that overall vision you have of how you want to BE this year, what you plan to DO, all the actions you take in your everyday life, and how YOU want other people to see you in their eyes, how you want people to remember YOU as a person and all the things you do.

Harsh as it may sound, we should ideally LIVE as though we are dying…. Work out in your mind, how would you love for people to remember you? How do you want to make your mark in this world? How do you want to make a difference? There is more to life than household chores, so much more meaning we can add to our lives to make them prettier and more pleasurable to live in!!!

I decided that my power word this year will be “SHINE”. It’s the only word that feels right to me, so I will stick to my gut instinct,  go along with it for the ride and see what interesting adventures it takes me on! What word will you choose for yourself?

What I know for sure is that when I shine, I feel most happy – whatever it is that makes me shine fills me with joy, makes me feel alive and full of energy, and I get totally lost in that feeling and can spend hours sometimes doing that thing I love doing when I have any spare pockets of time, even if for a few minutes. Time is so limited these days with so much rushing around and things to do for the family – it is SO incredibly precious, so we must make the most of it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

You might think, why on Earth did I pick this word? It might surprise you but shining, or being in the spotlight, has always been the one of my biggest fears though I did do some public speaking as a child, but I didn’t really keep it up in my adult life.

Especially since being a mum and through other experiences I’ve had in my life, I didn’t feel like I had the freedom to be my true authentic self without having to worry all the time about what others think and need, so my needs did get somewhat forgotten, and my mental clarity and energy went flat and started to revolve mostly around the kids and their routine, their life. It was hard to make space for me in their life as it was just too hectic and there is generally not a lot of time to breathe in between everything that needs to be done.

As parents, we are so used to putting our children’s wants and needs ahead of our’s, and our life really does revolve around the kids so much, that we forget what our needs are. Which is why now, over time, I am becoming more appreciative of all the little things in my life as much as possible, and making more of a conscious effort to be more mindful in everything I do as it does make life feel easier and more calm.

Because of the way kids can be, especially primary age kids, they don’t get to see us parents as a human being with wants and needs too, just like them!!! It’s really important to remember this, and treat ourselves with the kindness and compassion we deserve too….! 

Life just looks prettier and more colourful when we choose to make positive change in our life. And that’s worth a lot. For each and every one of us xxx