Don’t forget to have fun

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 5th July 2019

We get so used to the routine in our daily lives that we sometimes forget to make fun a part of it too, especially if you are someone who gets overwhelmed easily just trying to keep up with everything (especially for me coming up to the end of the school year with doctors appointments, inductions, shows, school trips and sports days just fill up the calendar and a constant juggling act with my 3 kids). You may also be someone who has a routine involving tasks or chores that are mindless or unexciting like housework, cleaning, sorting through clothes, sitting in heavy traffic on and off all day long, a long train commute, and so on.

The lack of stimulation is so incredibly draining on the mind…. when really you can make life more exciting and add to the equation some music or listen to a motivational video, even if for just 5-10 minutes, which can suddenly make you feel more energised, uplifted and in a better mood for the rest of the day. Or find another calming mindful activity, meditate or delve into a good book. Just listen to your body and feel what it needs, then go and do that thing. This is what self-care is all about.

It’s not just chores we can add fun to, it’s everything in our lives. It could be that you are making the best of what you have, for example, with chronic fatigue, chronic disease, a hearing disability or sight loss. Life can be really tough and very challenging, and we have to make that choice to push through doing the best we can to make positive life choices to be able to better handle the negatives that come our way.

I have been experimenting with my new hearing aid to take advantage of the latest technology and using Bluetooth which is a completely new experience for me. It really is like having headphones on without wearing headphones (I like the 80s style “over the ear” ones) whenever anyone calls me or I play any songs on YouTube, which is quite cool though it does feel a bit strange talking to people on the phone with no mobile attached to my ear. Or maybe i’m just a bit behind on the times as more and more people are wearing Bluetooth headsets whether they have any hearing loss or not.

It could also be that you would like to make interactions with your family more fun which helps to make your home environment less stressful and helps to snap out of the routine a little, making your lives feel easier and more enjoyable. We have to make a conscious effort to add little drops of fun into our day to keep up our energy and to be your best self.

Kids learn best through fun and play, and the same really does apply to adults aswell. There is always something new we could be learning, and this is a great way to energise your mind and grow your mindset.

We can take control of our thoughts and beliefs, and empower ourselves to live happier lives and not let everyone and everything around us dominate our lives, leaving very litte time and space in our minds to do anything for ourselves.

Think sideways and out of the box, maybe there is something more that excites you in that direction. And do more of that in your life – be happy, you deserve it.

No need to hide

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 28th June 2019

As someone with moderate hearing loss myself, I have always been told it’s ok to hide my aids underneath my hair and no-one will see it so I won’t need to worry about what people will think of how I look wearing hearing aids…

Whilst I was growing up as a child, I found the whole concept of wearing hearing aids really hard to bear, and so as I had so much hair anyway, hiding them seemed the best solution and so this is exactly what I did, so most people didn’t really know I had any hearing problem unless I told them.

However, I really feel now that maybe this wasn’t the right thing to do as it pushes all that negativity and anxiety under the carpet, which is probably why it has resurfaced in the front of my mind as an adult. I didn’t deal with the anxiety well back then, and I ended up tuning it all out for many years, and had gotten used to life as it has been with its limitations, and to be honest, I didn’t think twice about it anymore as I thought “this is who I am”.

Through hiding and not talking about what I was feeling, I made the decision at some point early on to put limitations on myself on what I could achieve due to my hearing loss, and I didn’t want to make my life harder than it needed to be. So I lived my life feeling limited by my hearing loss, and I didn’t push or challenge myself to do the things that are really hard and scary, the things I thought I couldn’t do with my hearing loss, to face my fears and try and find a work-around solution. The fact that I didn’t feel comfortable talking about this part of me really did have a knock on effect on my confidence and self-esteem over the years without even realising.

I didn’t want to make a big thing of it at work as I was worried about being discriminated against, so I kept quiet about it most of the time and didn’t get any extra support that could have helped me. I have always had to manage it on my own, and this is what I got used to. I really worked hard at school, and especially for the things I loved to study at school, like foreign languages. The ironic thing is the subjects I loved at school are subjects that are a big challenge for people like me with hearing loss, but the fact that I loved learning foreign languages really helped me to succeed, and I mostly had very supportive teachers who I am really grateful for.

The truth is that there is no need to hide the hearing aids under the hair, so for those of you, both adults and kids, growing up now with hearing loss like myself and my daughter, I would say just expose your aids, and allow yourselves to let feel those feelings you have about your hearing loss and get proactive on a regular basis and find ways to reward yourselves with love and self-care, and incorporate regular mindful activities into your daily routine that can give you relief from those negative feelings and take you to a different place in your mind doing something calming, uplifting or joyful. This could be music, meditation, art, gardening, reading, having a warm bath, going for a walk or being outside in nature, buying a small bunch of flowers, the list is endless, just do what makes you light up, something you love to do or experience that is soothing on their mind and makes you feel good inside. It has to become part of their daily routine.This also applies to anyone who has any kind of anxiety relating to any other special educational need, health issue, chronic disease, or parents and people in general who lead a stressful lifestyle. Anxiety has to be managed daily.

Don’t let yourself or your kids feel embarrassed to have hearing loss, there is no need to feel ashamed or embarrassed by your scars and to dream big – this is YOU. You are unique. Choose to live your life with hope, with positivity, dream big, as this is what’ll really help you or your kids to feel good about themselves on a regular basis and help to manage and calm down any anxiety.

Mindfulness isn’t difficult, we just need to make a conscious effort to do it and realise that our needs are important too. Sometimes, you just need to create your own sunshine even if life gets cloudy, and learn to love yourself without being so attached to the idea of being loved only by someone else.

Who’s in the driver seat of your life?

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 17th June 2019

Do you ever feel powerless? And especially when things happen out of your control?

Ever since I had an accident with my hearing aids this weekend, the first accident of this kind in all my adult years of wearing a hearing aid, all these old feelings have resurfaced, first of course blaming myself for the accident and then secondly, experiencing the worry and anguish of getting a new hearing aid and how I will cope, and I felt like I used to feel when I was a child.

I have realised that over the years, I have only ever associated negativity with my hearing loss, the pain, the upset, the discomfort, the struggle, the shame, the worry and stress around being someone who has a disability, feeling like a victim, who isn’t “normal” like the rest of the crowd and instead stands out.

I have always found it really hard to be proud of who I am, even with my imperfections. There is such an incredible stigma around being someone with a disability, whatever that disability may be. I had the best care I could get at the time, my parents did the best they could, but there was very little emotional support for me to help me adjust to my newfound disability, to help me find a way to feel positive about myself and my hearing loss combined.

I haven’t always loved myself. I hated my imperfections, I hated having to wear hearing aids, how their looked and sounded with all the extra noise, so I just hid them under my hair, and pretty much all my life I covered them up so people don’t even know sometimes that I have a hearing problem. I had to tell my teachers of course but aside from that, I haven’t really spoken much about it to anyone, not even some of my closest friends… I didn’t feel able to talk about it with anyone to be honest, especially as I didn’t want to be pitied. I was ashamed of this part of myself. I just wanted to be like everyone else and not be treated any differently, but it has been a real struggle, and this is easier said than done.

When I was younger, I didn’t used to like wearing my aids other than when I really had to wear them ie for school or university. Socially, I tended to not wear them as I was self-conscious about wearing them, but also the aids weren’t as good back then, and I found the loud noise really unsettling when all frequencies were amplified no matter what your level of hearing loss was.

People don’t always understand and can get very impatient, so this was a big challenge too. It was embarrassing to talk about, I was embarrassed to be made to feel different. I was happier just hiding out. It seemed easier to hide. And I missed out on things being said, and just resigned myself to the fact that because of who I am, I have to just get used to missing out, especially if watching a film, a talk, going for a meal or drinks with friends in large groups in noisy places, and just make the best of it, catch what I can and just be happy with that. Easier not to talk about it and live in shame.

I do wonder if this is some kind of sign from the universe to help guide me towards taking more responsibility for my hearing loss and my emotional health that relates to my disability, to encourage me to work through all my fears, to help me find a solution that works for me, making me feel comfortable in myself, happy and making me feel good about myself, to lay to rest all those negative feelings I associate with my hearing loss and replace them with positives, and bit by bit, I hope I can reduce the struggle and start to feel more positive and empowered, facing my fears and working through the obstacles using the tools I have already been using to help empower me in other areas of my life, and also, by taking positive action and asking for help, getting the support I need from people who understand what it’s like.

It felt really good to take that first step. I don’t want to feel all the powerless beliefs I have about myself anymore. Instead, I continue to show my commitment to myself to:

– FEEL GOOD
– LOVE MYSELF
– BE KIND
– HAVE COURAGE
– STEP OUTSIDE MY COMFORT ZONE
– BE REAL & AUTHENTICALLY ME
– SHINE

Why don’t you try the same and see how that feels? Make those positive choices in your life, you are worth all of it.

What language do you speak?

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 4th June 2019

Understanding language in all forms is the true essence of life, whether it is body language, the language we speak to ourselves in our mind, our self-talk, or even a foreign language you are learning…

Even if it is your native language, we need to pay attention to the languages we have been blessed to communicate with in our everyday lives. When we fill and jam-pack our days with chores or tasks to complete on our to-do list that can be endless, and you don’t allow and create breathing space for yourself, even if for a couple of minutes, this ends up making us feeling grumpy, tired, frustrated, angry, the list goes on, and all that excess, unwanted and unnecessary negative energy starts to resurface.

The key thing I have found is to really pay attention to those energy dips you get during the day, and do your best to tell yourself and make the decision that you want to feel good, to not stay in that negative state for very long, and choose love for yourself and snap out of it with some positive energy and self-care, whatever form that is for you, and go do that thing you know will make you light up.  There really is such a thing called body language, and we really have to make an effort whenever we can to listen in and try to understand it. Our bodies have a distinct way of communicating with us.

Try it out for yourself, have a listen in to what your body is trying to tell you – then take action and respond to your body’s cues. See what happens, you might surprise yourself and may even feel uplifted which is always a good thing. Definitely worth a try.

What makes you feel happy?

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 30th May 2019

Music is my happy place. As someone with chronic pain as well as fatigue, I do need distraction (aside from acknowledging the pain itself) and of course to find some pain relief too.

When I’m in most pain or have some kind of flare up, my automatic reaction is to feel sad and anxious, and think negative thoughts, and then in that state, I end up finding something or someone to blame for the pain and sadness that surrounds me when I retreat into that sad, negative mindset. However, I do try nowadays not to stay in this state for a long time… If I stay in this state for too long, it can get pretty miserable, so this is why I have to make that choice to feel happy, I have to take action to do those things that make me feel happy and more positive, and this is the power that music has over me. As I said at the beginning, I use music in so many different ways, so sometimes, quiet, calming, chilled music is the thing that helps to calm my mind, and guided meditation with gentle music in the background has been a lifesaver for me – just shutting my eyes for half an hour does me the world of good and helps me to get through the rest of the day in a more positive frame of mind.

It is like this on an everyday basis with fibromyalgia, I am constantly having to check in with myself and making those little moments to breathe, to hear or feel what my body and mind are communicating with me. As a mum aswell, there is such a need to constantly uplift myself as there are so many things I do for the kids, for the family, that do tire and stress me out, which is why it’s so important to acknowledge this and pay close attention to our needs throughout the day.

Get in touch with yourself – develop good self care habits on a regular basis, and don’t let your “battery charge” get too low, unbearable and hard to manage.

You wouldn’t let your phone charge get too low, so don’t let yourself get so low on charge too…

Make yourself an important priority in life.

 

Are you allowing your light to shine?

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 20th May 2019

“My head felt explosive today. I thought it was just because I had a terrible night’s sleep with my 2 year old (he couldn’t breathe easily with a blocked nose) but I think also, I was just feeling overwhelmed with all the ideas and plans I have for my new business, and really trying to nail down my main priorities, the things I must place most focus on, which has been tough for me as I strive to reduce my overwhelm.”

This is how I felt on Friday.

And I didn’t know where to start, which ideas I really must zoom in on even more to help me achieve my goals with the limited time I have, which is a big factor. Some ideas seem much more clear cut, others aren’t so much…. and I just wanted to get it all clear in my head, right then, my big plan, all of it.

So many things to do for the family, so many ideas have formed relating to the direction I could be going with my business, and there is only one of me with a limited amount of time and energy, so I thought late afternoon, I would get all my thoughts on paper (and out of my head), and it turned out I unintentionally gave myself some really good advice that I needed to hear and see written down.

In fact, what I realised I was doing was overloading my brain with trying to work everything all out at once when actually, I really need to focus on completing the next step only and worry about the rest when I get to it and not overwhelm myself so much! Overwhelm is still a constant struggle as a mum of 3.

My mind was crying out for some quiet time, some breathing space…

So that’s what I did on Friday, I gave my mind a little breathing space, to the best of my ability around the chaos of the school runs, household chores and just looking after my toddler. I made sure I used nap time to have a lie down myself, gave into some comfort food, which for me is still on the healthy side but I ate more carbs than I normally do, but you know what, I allowed myself just to relax and listen to my body as much as possible and just find the calm during the day whenever I could, and did what I needed to do to clear my head and make space for clarity – the things that really matter to me, my family, and also, how I can make a real difference in other people’s lives and achieve the best results I possibly can in the different creative projects I am working on and find the right work life balance somehow. It is a constant juggling act….

How can you make space for the things you love, how can you introduce more calm into your life to be able to see through the chaos and help you find more happiness in life?

Introducing some calm into our lives is so important, however it works best for you, whether it is to have a power nap, introduce some meditation into your day, read a book, shut your eyes and listen to some classical or uplifting music, the list goes on. But it has to work and make sense to you, which will help and motivate you to do it.

We must make the effort to invest in ourselves in the things we love, in our everyday happiness – get inspired, learn something new, develop your own little routine, some thing dedicated to you and your uniquely special self every single day. We have to make the best of who we are, we have no other choice.

You are worth it – we are all worthy – despite our imperfections. Be your perfectly imperfect self and let your light shine and bring out the best in you.

What are you worth?

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 14th May 2019

So many years of our life, we rely on other people, whether it is our family, friends or employers, to tell us how wonderful and loved we are, how much we are valued and appreciated, that has a big impact on our sense of self-worth. But why are we relying on other people for something that is ultimately our responsibility?

Especially in the workplace, I remember being pigeon holed in the administration jobs I was doing for a long time as this is something I was very good at, but over time, even though I had a great learning experience and met some great people along the way, I was forever having to do the things I didn’t always want to do but which I know had to be done, and at the same time, I also knew I was a key part of the bigger picture in keeping everyone afloat. However, this didn’t make me feel fulfilled and happy in my job. So I stuck with a similar kind of job in various different charities for years, just because this is what I did and what I had experience in.

Having said that, I knew I was capable of more, but I didn’t know any different at the time and certainly didn’t know how to grow my mindset back then like I do now and make that kind of positive change in my life towards the things I do want more of, and to feel valued.

After working in the charity sector, I moved onto motherhood, which is yet another full time job and also full of mundane tasks, but again for a really worthy cause – my kids are priceless. However, motherhood does come at a price as we lose our sense of self. Being a mum is much harder than a regular job sitting at your computer as it’s just so physically and mentally draining…. This is why it’s so important to squeeze into your day as many little things as possible to make you feel uplifted to help you get through your day in one piece, even if it is around the kids. It may seem selfish to some people, but a good bit of self care goes a long way, so who cares what other people think…

I have always thought I deserve much more, but truth be told, I didn’t really understand my true worth back then, what I am truly capable and deserving of, and I am still working to understand it even now as it is a steep learning curve. I didn’t realise I had closed off opportunities to achieve more for myself purely because of the fears I had inside my head that did a great job at talking me out of taking more risks in life, so even though I have achieved great things for myself, I didn’t take a lot of risks because of my fear of failure. Also, I hadn’t found that thing that really lit me up and made me feel like I can bring real good value in the world and make a difference in other people’s lives.

Do you ever feel like you could do something much more fulfilling with your life, and include your passions as part of your life too aswell as all the things you need to do on your to do list? I’ve always been told that it’s not possible to do that thing you love most and make a living. But why not? This is where you feel the most joy when you make sure you include what you love into your life and make your happiness priority number one.

Investing in my musical skills has so far been one of the key tools I have used to help increase my energy, happiness and joy, and my intuition is telling me I must invest more in this area. All I know right now is that the more I receive and feel joy, the more I want of it in my life as I know it helps to light my soul up and fuel my energy and passion for life even more.

If you don’t look after or feel good in yourself, it’s not easy to look after the other people around you and be in the best state of mind, which is essential for happiness to come about and make you glow inside.

What is it you really want?

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 7th May 2019

This week, I experienced a shift in perspective. I decided to create that picture in my head on “paper” (the electronic version) of what it is I want in life, my big goals, and it really does help to shape the perspective in my mind and opened up a more creative part of me that has managed to piece some more bits of the puzzle together for the course I am creating which I am really excited about.

It’s one thing thinking about your dreams in your mind…. but writing them down and actually “drawing them out” on paper that makes it feel more real inside your head, and helps you to feel more driven to achieve your goals. It is possible to dream big, you deserve to make your dreams come true too and to be happy – just because you are a mum, your lives don’t have to end right now. You are worth making happiness for yourself an important priority in life too….

Sometimes it’s just the simple pleasures in life that you can introduce into your lives. Just making a little time to read a book with a cup of green tea enjoying some peace and quiet before the kids get up feels really good to me, or somehow managing to squeeze in a bit of time to listen to my favourite music or play my flute when I can manage it. Especially on the weekend whilst the kids are watching a bit of TV or just chilling in the morning, it is a perfect time to make time for a little activity for you, that helps to stimulate and relax your mind, body and soul (before the chaos begins again). It’s so important allow yourself some well-deserved me-time, no guilt attached.

Eventually, if you are consistent, the kids will get used to the idea that this is something you do, it will become a part of who you are aside from being a mummy. They have to learn at some point and the earlier they learn, the better! There is definitely more to life than housework, and sometimes, it is necessary to leave the house a mess (it isn’t easy I know) whilst you care for your needs – and unless you stop doing housework and chores, they will never stop! You can get so bogged down and overwhelmed in the mundane to-do list, that you feel like you are drowning in it, and feel like you have lost the feeling of control over your life. And this doesn’t feel good and can really affect our outlook and mood.

So yes, even if it is in bite sized chunks, it is possible to make your dream life happen, but you have to demonstrate to yourself that you are worth giving that extra love and attention – no one else can love you as much as you can or knows your needs better than you do. Always make sure you look out for your own best interests as well as everyone else and get some enjoyment out of life, whatever it is that you do for a living. No one is superior to the other, we are all human beings after all, and should treat each other with kindness and compassion, including our very own selves.

Women have a right to be happy

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 29th April 2019

I often hear people talk about equality of opportunity for women in the workplace, but not often do I hear people talk about the fundamental human need and right for women to be happy and fulfilled, even if they are unable to work for whatever reason, including the work of being a mum. It’s not always easy to work if you don’t have a good support network around you to help with childcare and the school runs which poses a time constraint and limits opportunities to find time to work, plus also finding the energy to work with all the household chores, challenges and stress involved in running a family, especially if you are someone like me with chronic fatigue.

Despite all the challenges, it’s important to still muddle our way through all this chaos to make ourselves a priority in life, to make ourselves feel good and happy inside, and children can learn from seeing their mums happy.

The mental health of women is often put aside for the benefit of everyone else and everything, and everyone else’s needs tend to be put first, leaving little time for the women’s needs to be met. Which is why we must take the time as women to empower ourselves to make sure our needs fit into the equation on an everyday basis, and not rely on anyone else to fulfil our needs.

We have to practice self-love. It can really fill the gap in making you feel more loved on the inside and can help you cope more easily with the everyday challenges of life, give you a burst of energy and can make you feel more alive, give you more freedom and feel more in touch with yourself for the person you really are, and quite possibly your childlike self.

Everything is possible if you make it possible by creating that time for yourself everyday doing something you love – or doing something that you know is good for you and makes you glow and feel good inside.

Despite the overwhelm and lack of time, it is possible to make time for the things you want more of in your life if you make that decision to choose love rather than being led by all the excuses you have created in your mind stopping you looking after yourself in the best way and getting the most enjoyment out of life. Once you prioritise love, you can start to control your experience of life and what is thrown your way, and all the decisions you make for your life will come from that place most of the time at least. None of us are perfect and we will of course slip up from time to time, but ideally this would be the default place you make decisions from so that you can live your best life. In any given moment, even if for very small pockets of time, we can surrender to the light, we can choose love and make ourselves more open to receiving miracles in life and the happiness you deserve.

If you’re not sure where to start or how to implement some new healthy self-love habits, and would like some help in developing some control over your life and everyday happiness, why not grab one of The Big Life Journal’s challenge kits and experience it for yourself, do it with your children too and share the experience…

Each day brings us new miracles, things that we can be grateful for and celebrate in a positive light – we have to learn to look for them and focus on what we can be grateful for and enjoy our lives in the present moment rather than what we want in the future that will make you happy, things you don’t already have. When you start focusing on being happy with what you have and what you enjoy in life, you will be able to create more of what you want and give yourself the freedom that you crave to live your life happy on your terms.

Have you ever thought about how food makes you feel?

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 22nd April 2019

Who’s the boss? Do you ever feel like food is the boss of you rather than the other way round?

As someone with chronic fatigue, food really affects how I feel, and this past week with the festival of Passover, I have now really started to feel the effects of a/the kids being on holiday but b/ the effect of my change in diet and c/ all the extra cleaning, cooked breakfasts and chores that this festival generates as we tend to spend a lot more time at home eating…..

This year, I am completely gluten free on Passover, and because I am not able to eat the unleavened wheat matzos, I have been replacing it with potato starch-based matzos, and with all the white potatoes I have been eating at our seder meals and generally with every meal, I have finally really taken the hit.

Because I have been eating more white potatoes, all the simple carbs, as well as my eating routine being out of whack, it has led to me now feeling so incredibly exhausted.

During this festival and the school holidays, though I have made sure I keep up my morning motivation and exercise routine, my eating routine has relaxed somewhat, and with all the cooked breakfasts my kids love to eat, I end up eating breakfast late, and this really does affect me too. Always best to eat breakfast within the first 30-60 mins after waking, ideally. The meals at the seder were also very long meals eaten late in the evening, which has also had an impact on my energy levels.

I should really take my own advice, but sometimes, like now, food can get the better of me. Though it’s good to enjoy the food you eat, and treat yourself on a regular basis, it’s important to know where to draw the line, learn to take control over what you eat, and become generally more conscious of what it is you are eating, the impact it has on your health and how it makes you feel inside your mind and body.

This is the key thing that has driven me to change my eating habits, how food makes me feel. It really does make you feel low in energy if you eat too many of the wrong things as well as any possible weight gain. Which is why I am now on a mission to get back to feeling good again (now I have hit that low) and get myself into a better routine, even during the holidays, and cut down those simple carbs and introduce more complex carbs like sweet potatoes, lentils, peas, green veg, into my diet for the rest of the week, and hopefully, I can start feeling more energy and back to my usual self. It’s all down to me though, so I have to make sure I don’t let food get the better of me!

Happy Passover and Easter to all those celebrating – have fun today. And try not to overindulge in those Easter eggs! But enjoy them all the same and don’t let food get the better of you!