Sara Benveniste – Page 4

What tests your resilience big-time?

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 6th July 2023

Looking for a job has been a real test of resilience for me. The time spent on each application, the effort needed to get into the right mindset to persevere and keep putting yourself out there, even though you aren’t seeing any tangible outcomes. Which is why it’s important to celebrate each stage of the application process and how far you have come even though you aren’t “quite there” and haven’t nailed your dream job yet.

The way I see it is that you can make the choice to celebrate the growth in the process, even if they are small steps, little actions, or you can be miserable and dwell on the negativity, the rejections and the hardships of it all. It is really tedious and can be really depressing, I totally get it, as it can really affect your feelings of worthiness. It really is a time in your life when you are being judged on essentially who you are as a person, which can sometimes be tough to digest.

However, if you add some “spice” to it all, including adding joy to the equation, making time for yourself and doing what you are passionate about during the process to relieve some of that heavy feeling of anxiety and negativity, or brain fog even, then it does help raise those positive feelings inside of you and make you feel more creative and inspired. It must be made a “non-negotiable” part of your routine though, even if you build it up slowly.

The more you build healthy habits that make you feel good, the more it becomes part of your daily routine, most of the time. The more you do what you love, the more positive vibes you feel, and life starts to feel great and moving in the right direction, even though you can’t see the end result yet. It is hard but actually if you try and enjoy the process, as hard as it is, then things do start to feel more bearable and fun even.

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storms to pass, it’s about dancing in the rain” Vivian Greene

Also, it is ok to listen to your body and take breaks from job searching too to give your mind a break and relax. It really is a job in itself looking for another job and requires a lot of self-discipline, self-motivation and more importantly, self-compassion.

Most of the time, I don’t even receive a thank you for submitting the application as everything is so automated nowadays – candidates just have to assume that the applications have been received ok and hope for the best however much time has been spent on preparing their application. If filling in one of these application forms that employers like to send, it can sometimes take a few hours of someone’s time to fill it in. If sending applications via email, there is always the option of requesting a read receipt when sending emails, especially if you really want to know that someone has received your email. It is a good way of getting someone’s attention especially as we are all overwhelmed these days with messages appearing from all kinds of places, text messages, WhatsApp, email, Facebook messenger, you name it. Lots of messages to manage on a daily basis which maybe explains this “culture” of not needing to acknowledge applications, or ghosting candidates even. It’s a real issue, and not just restricted to dating apps!

However, it is important to remember that behind each of these electronic applications is a human being, and we like to be acknowledged in a certain way, even if it is a basic, standard, cut & paste thank you letter that employers send to all those who haven’t made it through to the initial interview stage. At the same time, it’s important not to rely on any particular outcome, otherwise if employers don’t do as you expect or would like or appreciate them to do, you will get disappointed!!

Sometimes, I do get a reply to my applications, but most of the time, in my experience, I only hear if I’ve gotten through to the next stage of application, which has mostly been an interview via Teams or sometimes Zoom. It is really hard to be rejected and not receive any constructive feedback, especially if you have attended an interview.

Feedback is a brilliant way of helping potential employees to grow within themselves, to help them learn from their mistakes throughout the job hunting process. Without it, it does make things really difficult and frustrating, especially if you’ve gotten through to the final stage, and you just have no clue why you haven’t got the job. I know “being the right fit” is really important to employers, but why is it so hard for employers to take that time to nurture that human connection and provide some constructive feedback to help that person find the job they are the right fit for, especially if you know they’ve spent time and effort on their job application?

The only option left for us jobseekers is to guess our way through the process which isn’t ideal. Sometimes, things might be obvious to our own eye that we can improve but other times, the only thing we can do within our control is let it all go and move onto the next opportunity knowing that maybe this rejection is telling us that this job isn’t meant for us right now. There is also an element of faith in self, that the right opportunity will show up at the right time. Faith that it will happen, that this perfect job is out there, and not to worry in the meantime. It’s hard to keep up the faith but we do have to keep going and have a lot of patience! What other positive choice is there?

Gratitude is also another important part of the process for me, acknowledging all the little tasks and actions I have completed each day (most of the time) and also finding moments to celebrate in each day even if it’s just playing one of my favourite motivational, empowering songs to acknowledge something I’ve achieved, however small it is. I have one list that I update to make life simpler for myself. Even when I just complete tasks, I show gratitude for having completed them, which is still a good reason to celebrate.

Also, it has been a learning process adapting to the idea of having interviews online, and even though people only see your top half, I always do get smartly dressed from top to bottom, because most importantly, it gets me in the right mindset and makes me feel good, and I always love to put on a bit of make up too to make myself feel more “professional”. It helps me to feel excited along with some uplifting, empowering music which can help to shift those pre-interview nerves and get my mind ready and raring to go.

It’s not easy online getting that same connection as you would going to someone’s office and having that face to face contact, but saying that, it is more interactive than a phone call at least. We are also relying on a good internet connection at both ends, which can be a challenge sometimes. Eye contact is key with these online interviews, but can prove difficult if for example the screen goes blurry, and there is a delay with the sound and someone’s lips are moving at a slower pace to the sound of their voice, which can be really distracting! But somehow amongst all of these challenges, we give the interview the best shot and portray ourselves in the best light we can, and then based on our performance, an employer will make the decision about whether they think you are best qualified for the job and want to give you a chance in the next round of interviews. Then the waiting game starts.

As well as learning from my mistakes as I go along the process, or more so, improving myself, improving my answers to interview questions, improving my covering letters to help me get more interviews, tailoring them one by one to the company I am applying to, and really presenting myself as my best and truest expression of myself. That’s all we can do, however much preparation we do beforehand, it’s how we present ourselves in the moment.

“Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path” — Paulo Coelho

I am learning that it’s ok to be me, that it’s safe territory to be me. Me is ok.

I’m also learning that I can make the choice to not let all these rejections be about myself and my self-worth, and instead focus on what the companies who have rejected me are missing out on by not employing me!!! There are so many things in life that are out of our control, and so it’s important to see the power and beauty in what we can control, and the things we are able to learn from each and every experience we have, even if it’s a negative one. It’s important that we step back and allow ourselves to breathe and learn from those experiences in a positive way so that we can move forward in the best and most productive way.

I would love to work for a company that embraces that growth mindset culture and encourages learning and growing amongst their staff so that we can become happier people as a whole, better at our jobs, more productive, more focused, less stressed – and yes, it is part of the “whole package” when employing someone. If employees or candidates aren’t interested in all that jazz and personal growth stuff, that’s of course fine too, but we all as humans have an innate need to experience joy and connection. It really is of interest to the employer and will make a happier, healthier workplace which makes all the difference as people do spend a lot of their time at work.

“Connection is why we are here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” Brene Brown

A positive, work environment that takes account of the fact that we are all human and have our own individual needs that need to be taken care of. It is an environment which employees can thrive in, so by addressing these needs for good staff wellbeing at work, then it can surely only lead to good – a better workplace, a kinder world and a more joyful environment to be.

Joy is important and I think that employers do play an important role in providing that joy to their employees to help improve motivation, focus, sense of well-being and good health, happiness and productivity. It also gives people a sense of community and human connection that people do need to feel on a regular basis, both at work and at home. This is what makes us tick and feel alive!!!!!!!

Are you nurturing your soul enough?

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 9th May 2023

This job-hunting process is really testing my feeling of worthiness. However, after every stage, every application, every interview, every setback, though it does feel harsh and upsetting to start with, I am standing taller each time and getting stronger and stronger as time goes on.

At each stage, there is opportunity for growth as it propels me to keep on improving myself each time, thinking about where I might have tripped up, what I can do better next time, how I can move forward in the best possible way as it’s really the only way of giving me the best chance of manifesting the job that is right for me, which of course is a positive thing. However, it can be a real struggle, pushing through those fears and limiting beliefs at the same time, holding onto faith in self, but at the same time, not letting these rejections knock my confidence, embracing positive thoughts in knowing that there is something better out there for me at the right time, that this whole process which is filled with obstacles and hurdles is actually helping me get closer towards the job that’s meant for me.

In the meantime though, whilst the job search continues, I do have to keep looking after myself in the process – and sometimes, I am learning this too, we do need a clean break from it all too to recharge.

At the end of April, I went on a Chakra Dancing and Creative Meditation retreat for 6 nights, and it was an amazing experience. Wow, what a week it was. A wonderful new adventure for me, lots of new friendships made with more like minded people who love music and dance, a new project for me to add to my musical portfolio and a new chapter in my personal development journey.

I haven’t been away from my kids or husband this long in a very long time, so I’m very grateful to have had this time away. My kids were all ok in the end, even my youngest, though he did take a couple of days to accept that I was away and that I couldn’t look after him as I usually do. I had to make sure I didn’t call him otherwise I would cause him too much upset (after my first attempt at calling him after supper on the first night I was away). Saying that, he did send me a cute video a couple of days later saying “I want to kiss you all day” as he was missing me and “can I come home on Sunday” (which is when I was planning on coming home), so although I didn’t talk to him all week, I did receive these two videos which was nice, reassuring and lovely to receive.

Diving into the unknown without any expectations other than to have lots of fun, gain a whole new wealth of inspiration and learn how to nurture my spiritual self ie my happiest self was bliss. Time to focus on me and my wellbeing… I love this kind of stuff, learning and growing, getting more in touch with myself, allowing myself the freedom to express myself in a positive light so people around me also get the best of me.

The positive energy on the retreat was so contagious. Chakra Dancing was also so much fun!!! I was with a beautiful group of women who attended this retreat who I really connected with… Between us, we shed tears but laughed so much, and then released some more. Every day, we danced and learned new skills, we meditated, learned to create meditations ourselves, making sure we worked through all the energy centres in the body, all the 7 Chakras, that they were nourished from the bottom, the Root, all the way to the top, the Crown. Each of the chakras has their own role to play in contributing to our overall wellness – it was a magical experience. I also learned about Qigong (pronounced Chi Gong) and loved incorporating these slow flow exercises at the end of the dance routine or towards the end alongside the more calm, tranquil music.

Now, I’m working on how to incorporate everything I’ve learned on the retreat into my everyday life which is of course more of a challenge now I’m out of that “bubble” and back to reality. However, I did come back from the retreat refreshed and ready to incorporate new self-care routines into my diary.

Whilst I was out there, I realised that my journey is very clearly around sound healing, which explains my passion for music and singing, and all that has followed on from there. I also realised on this retreat that it’s been almost 6 months since I last played the flute. Somehow along the way, I’ve gotten lost in motherhood, in grief and moving house over the past year and a half, that I lost motivation to play it like I used to, and I couldn’t get back into it, though I knew in the back of my mind, I’ve never stopped loving playing this beautiful instrument and I do want to rekindle my love for the flute. So, behind the scenes, as I speak, I am taking steps to make sure I start playing regularly again. My Mum would love to hear that I’m playing, so this is a good enough reason to kick myself back into gear. It was lovely to play my Native American Sparrow Hawk flute again last week – it really does help to fill my cup up that bit more with joy, which is always very much appreciated. Playing a musical instrument is a brilliant mindful activity and a great way to unwind.

I realised also whilst away, that music isn’t just what I listen or sing to, it’s who I AM, it’s a really big part of my spiritual self, my well-being, the part of me that makes me feel whole and human and needs to be nurtured. It’s such a great outlet. Everything else is what I DO – but music is great soul food that helps to fuel my positive energy in the right direction and helps me feel a close connection with myself, think more clearly and be more productive.

Aside from playing the flute, although I haven’t really delved too much into it yet, I do find it all very fascinating how sound can heal your body, how the frequencies of sound can be incredibly relaxing and energising. I participated in a sound bath using gongs at the end of the retreat. We lay down as if we were about to meditate under a nice, cozy blanket. It was an incredible experience. I’ve never experienced anything like this – it really felt like I was having an internal massage, that I was able to breathe like I’ve not done before in such a deep way, unknotting any balls of tightness and stress as the frequencies of sound travelled up and down my body, making me feel so expansive, taking me to an amazing, peaceful place. I ended up being the last to wake up from this trance like state though I could have stayed there for ages, but at some point, I did have to wake up!

On that note, what can you do today to fill your cup, unleash your positive energy within and feel your best self?

Happy Mother’s Day

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 19th March 2023

Happy Heavenly Mother’s Day to my Mum ❤️

Feeling grateful for the Mum I’ve had and who still remains in my heart. Being a Mum myself, I can only hope, based on all that I’ve learned and experienced from my Mum, that I can continue her legacy and be guided by her good spirit in the future with my own family who I am grateful to have in my life.

It was hard to know what to do this year for Mother’s Day.

Last year, I also didn’t know what to do as Mum was so ill but I bought her some roses in case she made it through another day which she didn’t, so of course it was an extremely sad day for me. Yesterday, I don’t know why I did it, but I spent some time looking for presents on Amazon seeking something comforting I can buy that my Mum would have liked. I didn’t end up buying anything, though I did get inspired… However, this morning, I decided to scatter some dried purple roses on a heart dish near some photos of my Mum in my kitchen. It seemed like the perfect place to put them as opposed to throwing them in the bin, especially as they had all dried up. She loved the colour purple and so do I, and even though they have dried up, they are still a beautiful, rich colour. My son insisted I light two candles on Mother’s Day, so I placed one near my Mum and one for me on the other side of the kitchen.

In light of reflecting on my Mum’s memory today, I thought I’d share a poem I wrote for my Mum’s stonesetting about two weeks ago (it feels like a good day to share it):

Dear Mum,
As we look upon your picture,
Sweet memories we recall,
Of a face so full of sunshine,
And a smile for one and all.
You left us peaceful and happy memories,
That we are so grateful for.
Though we cannot see you,
Your love is still our guide,
We miss you lots and send you all our love,
You are always at our side.
If Roses grow in heaven,
Please pick a bunch for me
Thanking you for your love and beauty,
Which I carry in my heart.
For we will all never forget your presence
Your friendship, your patience,
Your compassion, your loving kindness
To make our lives worthwhile.

What are you learning

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 10th January 2023

Thinking about the essential skills that we learn as Mums, as parents, as well leading our own life, I thought I would write up all the things we can be grateful for as a way of appreciating what an important role it is we play during our lifetime in bringing up our children in the best way we can, and more so, whilst I am on a job hunt myself, to help us really appreciate the transferable skills we are learning and taking on board, and take that opportunity to celebrate ourselves and our achievements.

I don’t know about you, but I do sometimes compare my childhood back then to my kids’ childhood now, and in the process, I do have to stop myself as things are very different now. The challenges we are facing now with all this extra technology in the mix does make parenting a tough one as we really are dealing with a whole new generation of kids with much higher expectations. Having to navigate our way through it all “on the job” means we are always learning by experience and sometimes accidentally take a wrong turning or hit obstacles, but the key is to get back on track, to breathe and start afresh. With all the extra pressure kids themselves face at school, it is also tough for them too. At the same time though, we do still have all the other usual stuff to digest and tackle as parents so now it’s time to really appreciate the job you do and how amazing you really are:

As well as managing our kids’ social calendar, timekeeping and logistics, not forgetting the housework, we are ultimately responsible for managing their health, education and nutrition, including any related appointments (online or face to face) at school and after school hours.
We get to build great experience in multi-tasking, juggling different demands and deadlines on a daily basis, being proactive, setting priorities and paying good attention to detail.
We get to improve, develop and refine our organisational and people skills as we become responsible for organising yearly events including birthday parties and special family functions which can involve any number of people.
We get to develop a “can do” but at the same time, flexible attitude, especially with any last-minute changes that may arise and devising a new plan normally with little notice.
We are ultimately the best advocates for our children, and we do our best to make sure their educational, physical and emotional needs are met, though sometimes we can be met with obstacles.
As a parent, we have plenty of opportunity to develop the ability to engage and communicate with a wide range of audiences (for eg. teachers, SENCO, healthcare professionals, local council) depending on the needs of the child. We do this using different mediums, which allows us to practice good writing skills, exercise diplomacy and build trusted relationships.
We also get to develop a higher level of resilience in ourselves whilst managing different behavioural issues, whilst at the same time, being consistent in how we teach our kids to grow up to become good human-beings, especially when they transition into secondary school and beyond.

During my time as Mum and due to the nature of the role, I have grown to become more proficient in managing my own self-care (as best as I can!) and love to encourage others to follow suit as this is so important. I am always doing my best to improve myself and my daily habits to be the best version of myself I can be.

Although everything isn’t perfect and rosy all the time, everything that needs to happen always does need scheduling, even if it is self-care time, so my diary does need to be updated and looked at often to remind myself of the to-do’s. Ultimately, if I don’t make things happen, they don’t always happen naturally and time just disappears. Time is so precious, we must make it count as no-one knows what tomorrow holds.

There is a lot of stuff to take on board, and maybe you have more to add to the mix too?

Once you have taken some time to reflect, now we can take some time to stop and appreciate ourselves and all that we do along with all the beauty and love that surrounds us. Everything always feels much better once we have taken the time to stop, breathe and experience life as it is in the present and letting go of everything else for a short while – you can always get back to your to-do list later on.

Enjoy your day.

All you need is love

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 28th November 2022

I have recently discovered the author Christie Barlow through subscribing to Kindle Unlimited. So far, I have been reading individual books and not necessarily been drawn to a particular author for too long, and books normally can take a while to plough through as I read 10-20 minutes here and there when I can in between everything else. I do incorporate reading into my bedtime routine when I can though I do have to sometimes choose between reading and meditating as there isn’t always enough time (or energy!) left in the day to do both.

There are a whole series of rom-com books she writes all based (so far from what I’ve read) in the Scottish Highlands. I’m now on book number 3 and getting quite addicted!

“Love Heart Lane” is the first book in the series.

There are 12 books in total in this particular series so it will keep me occupied for a while – they are great escapist novels, and a fab way to switch off from the “to do” list of your day, especially with some relaxing music in the background with headphones. I really like the realness of the characters and how down to earth they are. As I work my way through the books, I feel like I am getting to know the amazing community of people that live there in this small village.

It is essentially a romance novel but which also really focuses on that sense of community love and spirit aswell, and how they all help each other in tough times. It’s an uplifting read especially when you see the light starting to shine at the end of the tunnel with the presence of love and community support, all helping them to work through some serious stuff as well as family and relationship issues we may at some point experience too in everyday life. We see how love (alongside hope and positivity) just melts them all away. It’s a novel that gives you that “cosy” feeling, but also, at the same time, the characters are so relatable…

The stories are really enlightening as they are also about how the characters chase their dreams whether it’s a particular romance or new business they want to set up to help bring that extra joy into their life that they need whether it be in memory of someone much loved who recently passed away or else to provide that much needed distraction from the mundanity of everyday life and more importantly, that feeling of self-worth, happiness and excitement inside.

Look at the endless possibilities

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 9th September 2022

I started a painting class this week run by the Art Hub LDN. I wasn’t sure what to expect as even though I am musical, I don’t really see myself as an artist, so I went to the class with the main aim of relaxing, taking that time out that I need to ground myself and dive into increasing my creativity. And of course bringing more joy into my day and starting a new creative habit on a Wednesday morning.

Now the kids are back at school, it gives me time to reassess things and work out how to prioritise tasks during the course of the day. It is tough as there is still a lot of “life admin” and household chores, and it is a challenge to reduce the amount of time and energy they get to consume. However, this year, my two kids are now getting the school coach every morning, so I have some more time and energy on my hands in the morning, which is an added bonus after a long summer!

Change is inevitable whilst I look for more balance, as I embrace this somehow, I have to test the water, seeing what works well and fits into my routine to give me what I need and some more fulfilment….

Anyway, one of the exercises I set out to do in my art class was to paint a repeated pattern in watercolours. It could be a letter, a shape, any kind of squiggle I liked, but I had to paint it over and over again in “cold colours” which basically cover all the darker, deeper colours, blues, purples, greens, or else “warm colours” which cover all the yellows, oranges, reds etc, all those bright colours that normally fill me up with sunshine.

Not sure why, but because I was new, I just started with the darker, “cold” colours, and then as the painting progressed, I realised I should have started with the “warm” colours but there was nothing I could do about it. The painting was darker than I wanted it by the end of the first exercise. Already I was judging myself!

So off I went on a mission to add some speckles of light using some “warm” colours to my picture to make me feel happier about what I was doing. Once that had dried properly, I then went on to use Sharpies over the picture I had painted. I was just following instructions and guidance… I didn’t know what I was going to do with the Sharpie pens but I started drawing hearts in silver as this is a shape I like drawing, my “go-to” shape when I do art. I liked the silver as it was a light colour that stood out nicely amongst all the dark colours, so I drew different sized hearts across the page, which turned into heart balloons.

I then got out my yellow pen and filled in the white bits round the edges and inside the picture to fill it up with specs of sunshine wherever I could. Then I got stuck… It was suggested to me that I experiment with a black Sharpie, which I resisted for a few minutes, as I didn’t want it to ruin what I’d painted and already thought my painting was on the darker side.

Anyway, I started out using a navy pen, as navy is softer than black and would ease me into black later on. I started by drawing in navy the shapes I could see on the painting, and really surprised myself. I loved this activity, because as I progressed through this task, as I drew shapes, I began to see more and more shapes – it was fascinating, and before I knew it, my 2 hours of art time was up, but I still had more to do as the painting wasn’t finished.

Being the perfectionist I am, I had to finish it when I got home otherwise the momentum would get lost and I might not finish it. I didn’t like that thought of leaving things unfinished. So I was brave and chose a black Sharpie pen at home in the end and continued drawing shapes to cover the whole picture.

It’s amazing how lost I got, in a positive way of course, just finding and drawing shapes within what was essentially a simple watercolour painting. It was all very unexpected and a very calming experience. An hour later, I finished it, and felt better about it all – task accomplished!

My journey back to faith

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 29th August 2022

These past five months have been a real challenge for me, probably the most difficult time of my life, just trying to navigate my life as it is now without my Mum…..

Some things have gotten easier of course, like the initial shock, but the intense feelings of sadness and loss don’t really go away, so it is a job in itself trying to manage it all. I do have to go easier on myself when I can and squeeze little pockets of time for myself to settle my nerves, my anxiety, my emotions, especially when things get too much.

A lot has happened these past few months alongside losing my mum, covid, moving house – plus also organising my daughter’s Batmitzvah party and celebrations which has now been and gone which thankfully went really well… so it’s all been a real rollercoaster ride.

Now aswell, we’ve had the school holidays since the end of July, so it’s been full on with the kids keeping them all entertained, playing taxi service getting them to camp, their friends’ houses for playdates, taking them shopping and to their activities. Then, because there’s a bit more breathing space without all the school runs, there is generally a bit more time at home, so it’s been a good time to declutter last year’s stuff, books, uniform, and for us, the house in general as we are still unpacking from the move. It’s a slow process… I’m also organising all my “old school” paper photos that I used to always get printed out from my local pharmacy (or Dad’s pharmacy) after every holiday or birthday celebration once the roll of film was finished. It wasn’t quite so easy to just click on “delete” like we do now when we’ve taken a bad photo!

It really is very hard to just SLOW DOWN… So much to do still but at least the hot weather has forced us to slow down a bit at least; we’ve had an amazingly hot summer this year in the UK.

Fortunately though, I did manage to go away for some quiet time a few weeks ago for two nights – my husband treated me to a trip to the spa whilst he went away to Brighton with the kids (we have also just come back from Tenerife which is where the photo above was taken).

Though I love my kids, I definitely got the better deal… As you can imagine, this mini break was the perfect opportunity to just “be” and connect with myself again, with those things that make me feel calm, at ease, and good inside so I can get back to feeling my more aligned, calmer and happier self.

Whilst I was there, I felt the urge to follow my natural instincts and start writing again. I haven’t really written much in the past few months, over which time I’m sure I’ve been bottling a lot up inside subconsciously. It does feel like the right time to get back into my writing habit, to get out of my own head and put “pen to paper”. My Mum always loved reading what I wrote online which gives me good reason to pursue this.

I have an interesting story to tell to start with…. When I went down for breakfast one morning whilst I was away and told the waiter my room number, number 99, he told me an interesting fact and weird coincidence, that no one ever stays in my room though housekeeping cleans it everyday…. Bizarre right? So I looked up the number to find out what this all might mean. I had been thinking beforehand about how I might be able to communicate with my Mum on a spiritual level, especially as I don’t have the luxury of talking to her whenever I want anymore. However, this number and sign felt reassuring to me that there might be a way through this – it felt like I had her approval by taking that time out at the spa to be still and have that quiet time I needed. It felt like I was moving in the right direction.

I’ve really struggled getting back into being creative again over the past few months, whether it’s with my music or art, but I did start to use my creativity again in the garden about 6-7 weeks ago whilst I’d been planting new things and moving some other bedding plants around to make it look how I wanted it, plus I tidied up some other flowers and took out all the dead leaves and cutting them down a bit. Another form of decluttering, but it did feel quite calming whilst outside, especially in the quiet of the night after my youngest was in bed. I normally leave gardening mostly to the gardener, so I don’t think I did too bad a job all things considered.

It was lovely when the flowers started to grow, especially the red geraniums which really loved the sunshine, and the begonia’s too after I moved them under the rose bush in a more shaded area. It really felt like an achievement to see their growth, and pretty flowers always make me feel brighter. It was also nice to see our tomato plant growing really nicely – they really do love the sunshine too, and it gives my 6 year old son joy to point out to me the tomatoes that have ripened – he now knows to only pick the red ones! We had a few strawberries grow aswell which was nice but we didn’t have quite as many of these and as soon as they grew, they were consumed very quickly…

It seems that in life, especially when things aren’t going quite so well, where there is pain and sadness especially, we do have to focus even more on what we can control, to keep looking for a positive way through it all, continuing day by day to heighten self-awareness, to make sure we do those things that light us up that give us the fuel and energy to enjoy life in the moment. Life isn’t easy and everything happens to us for a reason though we don’t always know why. So instead on focusing on the pain, we need to look out for all the things we can be grateful for by having this experience – lessons are here to be learned and taken on board to be able to move through life in the best possible way.

It’s time to make that choice to enjoy our life whilst we are alive, to live in the moment, to be conscious of what makes you feel good and make that a way of living, and along the way, being gentle with yourself, taking one day or step at a time, so that we are able to discover new, exciting things in life and be guided in the direction of love, compassion and inspiration.

As Dalai Lama said, “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive”.

The calm after the storm

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 31st May 2022

After a tough couple of months, now some calm has resumed (aside from some major roadworks taking place near where I live making school runs very difficult and car journeys long), I can start to catch my breath a little bit…

With self-compassion and lots of rest and relaxation where possible, I am slowly recovering and getting more of my energy back whilst my body and mind have been processing the loss of my Mum, Covid (which I caught a week after my Mum died), all the “usual everyday family stuff”, preparing for Passover, and then climbing my last big hurdle of moving house, finally settling down in our new home which me and my family hope to stay in for many years to come. Hopefully, we can put the difficulties faced in the past 13 months behind us and look forward to all the exciting things to come.

Slowing down hasn’t been an easy task with so much overwhelm, but over time, whilst I piece together some of the puzzle pieces of my life, music and singing is playing an important part in helping me to start feeling more myself again as I continue my weekly choir sessions, and I also started recently organising some karaoke nights out too with friends. Focusing on the positive things I can do for myself to get my energy and strength back is a big help, as I know this is where I am happiest, when I am feeling strong and energised.

Pacing myself each day seems to be the only way to get through it all, with the support of my family too. Accepting that I was unable to get back to “normal” straight away was a big adjustment to make especially when there was so much to do and think about already.

Grief is a new experience for me so I do have to go with the flow and listen to what my body is telling me. Bottling up my emotions does me no good, as for everyone else too – all that happens is that it just stays stored in your body and causes anxiety, stress or pain.

Releasing emotions in a healthy way is always a good thing. I am still on a steep learning curve in learning to deal with those “big emotions” which I’m told should get easier over time as I find better ways to cope, and hopefully over time, I can find more positive ways of releasing those emotions and frustrations trapped inside my body and channel those energies into something good. I am slowly getting back to playing my flute more often than I have been which feels great. I must pick up my paintbrushes soon too as I know first hand creativity is a great calming outlet.

Since my mum passed away, it’s like I’m missing a part of me, it’s hard to explain… But even though I can’t physically see her, I can still at least feel her presence within me, her love sprinkled around me, watching my every step in how I go about my life now, songs I hear on the radio that she used to love, flowers I love to buy, little reminders of all that she loved – and using my heart’s intuition, I try my best to stay connected within myself where I can and cherish those happy memories I had with her whilst she was alive.

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

Look inside

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 20th May 2022

I had a conversation with my daughter this afternoon after pick up about strawberry Yoyos, a dried rolled fruit snack that kids love in the UK, and thought I’d make a little tale about it as I thought it was a meaningful way to end the day and start the weekend.

I had two packets. My youngest who is 5 wanted the perfectly packaged one and really didn’t want the crumpled one, so I asked my 10 year old to have the crumpled packet as I thought she could handle this as she was the older one, and does it really matter now it looks on the outside if it’s the same shape and texture on the inside.

She wasn’t happy about it as she thought it would be all crumpled and ruined on the inside, but I showed her when I opened it that it was just the packaging that was crumpled on the outside – everything else was perfect and whole inside. She then smiled and finally understood me.

Moral of the story: Don’t judge how things look on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts most ❤️

Mums are something special

Posted by: Sara Benveniste Posted on: 7th April 2022

In honour of my Mum who sadly passed away on the 26th March after a long 10 year battle with Motor Neurone disease, and as it’s my birthday today, I thought I would reflect on what I can be grateful for on this precious day and celebrate the miracles:

– Being born to a mum who showed me so much love, compassion and kindness over the years, and her love, support and guidance has made me who I am today. Without her, I wouldn’t have been born…

– The joy she brought to my life, the happy memories before she was ill, the fun, the laughter, the shopping trips, family time and holidays.

– Even during the time she was ill, she was still amazingly positive despite all the physical challenges she had to face, the emotional hardship and frustration at every new stage of deterioration that she had to learn to accept and adapt to over the years. She had such a strong, resilient mind and a positive spirit inside of her, right until very near the end, and I’m grateful for the time I was able to spend talking to her as much as I did. She always loved hearing what we were all up to, she loved all her grandchildren so much too and loved hearing about their tales and what they get up to at school and outside activities too.

– She was a great support for me the past year especially whilst we were house hunting which was a year-long process. I’m so glad me and my family got to celebrate with her when we finally exchanged on our new house only a few weeks ago. She was so happy, we were all so relieved the worst of it was over and now we could start getting excited about the move, and she shared that joy and excitement with us.

– My Mum also enjoyed playing bridge, and one of her good friends told me she played bridge online even just using the one working finger until the last possible moment she could. She really fought until the very end.

– It was a miracle, she managed to survive the pandemic and not catch covid, so I had more time to spend with her. Even in the days I would go round and talk to her through the window, she still remained so positive. Lockdown was hard for us all, but really for my mum, this is what her life was like on a daily basis, especially when it wasn’t easy to go out much anymore and she was very much housebound. I am however really grateful that Mum had such good carers (and my Dad too of course) and also for the friendship that she built with them, and the new styles of cooking she got to taste and experience which made life a bit more interesting – they were all from a variety of countries, Somalia, Russia, Hungary and the UK.

– My Mum had such a generous nature. She always loved taking me shopping for clothes when I was younger, and we often made a day of it and ate lunch out. Even during the beginning stages of the disease, when she was independent enough still and using the scooter, I remember going shopping with her to M&S, and I remember she bought some purple flowers, some for her but also some for me too – it gave her such joy to give them to me. Purple is one of my two favourite colours and I love flowers too.

– It is such a hard thing to lose control over your whole body that it’s made me feel even more grateful for what I have and the importance of looking after yourself and enjoying life whilst it lasts. My Mum loved going to the spa – when I was 18, she took me to Champneys, which I enjoyed then and even now, I do love a nice spa break and the pampering that goes along with that. She always took pride in how she looks, going to the hairdresser every week in the traditional way women used to do, putting on make-up most days, wearing nice, smart clothes, getting her nails done, all of which I now realise was all part of her own self-care.

– Especially when it was hard to talk to her over the phone, music became a way I used to connect with her on the days I wasn’t able to see her. I am grateful for the encouragement my mum gave me playing the flute, writing, learning languages, to do all those things that inspired me despite my challenges with hearing loss. She always managed to say the right thing to make me feel good. My mum did also love listening to a variety of different music – more so classical and opera – though I never remember her playing an instrument.

– I am grateful for my Mum’s positive spirit that will always live inside of me and will never be forgotten. She always managed a radiant smile even though things were getting really tough for her. She was very much like her Mum, my Nana, who enjoyed the simple pleasures in life and had a big heart.

What can you be grateful for today?