Music is my happy place. As someone with chronic pain as well as fatigue, I do need distraction (aside from acknowledging the pain itself) and of course to find some pain relief too.

When I’m in most pain or have some kind of flare up, my automatic reaction is to feel sad and anxious, and think negative thoughts, and then in that state, I end up finding something or someone to blame for the pain and sadness that surrounds me when I retreat into that sad, negative mindset. However, I do try nowadays not to stay in this state for a long time… If I stay in this state for too long, it can get pretty miserable, so this is why I have to make that choice to feel happy, I have to take action to do those things that make me feel happy and more positive, and this is the power that music has over me. As I said at the beginning, I use music in so many different ways, so sometimes, quiet, calming, chilled music is the thing that helps to calm my mind, and guided meditation with gentle music in the background has been a lifesaver for me – just shutting my eyes for half an hour does me the world of good and helps me to get through the rest of the day in a more positive frame of mind.

It is like this on an everyday basis with fibromyalgia, I am constantly having to check in with myself and making those little moments to breathe, to hear or feel what my body and mind are communicating with me. As a mum aswell, there is such a need to constantly uplift myself as there are so many things I do for the kids, for the family, that do tire and stress me out, which is why it’s so important to acknowledge this and pay close attention to our needs throughout the day.

Get in touch with yourself – develop good self care habits on a regular basis, and don’t let your “battery charge” get too low, unbearable and hard to manage.

You wouldn’t let your phone charge get too low, so don’t let yourself get so low on charge too…

Make yourself an important priority in life.

“My head felt explosive today. I thought it was just because I had a terrible night’s sleep with my 2 year old (he couldn’t breathe easily with a blocked nose) but I think also, I was just feeling overwhelmed with all the ideas and plans I have for my new business, and really trying to nail down my main priorities, the things I must place most focus on, which has been tough for me as I strive to reduce my overwhelm.”

This is how I felt on Friday.

And I didn’t know where to start, which ideas I really must zoom in on even more to help me achieve my goals with the limited time I have, which is a big factor. Some ideas seem much more clear cut, others aren’t so much…. and I just wanted to get it all clear in my head, right then, my big plan, all of it.

So many things to do for the family, so many ideas have formed relating to the direction I could be going with my business, and there is only one of me with a limited amount of time and energy, so I thought late afternoon, I would get all my thoughts on paper (and out of my head), and it turned out I unintentionally gave myself some really good advice that I needed to hear and see written down.

In fact, what I realised I was doing was overloading my brain with trying to work everything all out at once when actually, I really need to focus on completing the next step only and worry about the rest when I get to it and not overwhelm myself so much! Overwhelm is still a constant struggle as a mum of 3.

My mind was crying out for some quiet time, some breathing space…

So that’s what I did on Friday, I gave my mind a little breathing space, to the best of my ability around the chaos of the school runs, household chores and just looking after my toddler. I made sure I used nap time to have a lie down myself, gave into some comfort food, which for me is still on the healthy side but I ate more carbs than I normally do, but you know what, I allowed myself just to relax and listen to my body as much as possible and just find the calm during the day whenever I could, and did what I needed to do to clear my head and make space for clarity – the things that really matter to me, my family, and also, how I can make a real difference in other people’s lives and achieve the best results I possibly can in the different creative projects I am working on and find the right work life balance somehow. It is a constant juggling act….

How can you make space for the things you love, how can you introduce more calm into your life to be able to see through the chaos and help you find more happiness in life?

Introducing some calm into our lives is so important, however it works best for you, whether it is to have a power nap, introduce some meditation into your day, read a book, shut your eyes and listen to some classical or uplifting music, the list goes on. But it has to work and make sense to you, which will help and motivate you to do it.

We must make the effort to invest in ourselves in the things we love, in our everyday happiness – get inspired, learn something new, develop your own little routine, some thing dedicated to you and your uniquely special self every single day. We have to make the best of who we are, we have no other choice.

You are worth it – we are all worthy – despite our imperfections. Be your perfectly imperfect self and let your light shine and bring out the best in you.

So many years of our life, we rely on other people, whether it is our family, friends or employers, to tell us how wonderful and loved we are, how much we are valued and appreciated, that has a big impact on our sense of self-worth. But why are we relying on other people for something that is ultimately our responsibility?

Especially in the workplace, I remember being pigeon holed in the administration jobs I was doing for a long time as this is something I was very good at, but over time, even though I had a great learning experience and met some great people along the way, I was forever having to do the things I didn’t always want to do but which I know had to be done, and at the same time, I also knew I was a key part of the bigger picture in keeping everyone afloat. However, this didn’t make me feel fulfilled and happy in my job. So I stuck with a similar kind of job in various different charities for years, just because this is what I did and what I had experience in.

Having said that, I knew I was capable of more, but I didn’t know any different at the time and certainly didn’t know how to grow my mindset back then like I do now and make that kind of positive change in my life towards the things I do want more of, and to feel valued.

After working in the charity sector, I moved onto motherhood, which is yet another full time job and also full of mundane tasks, but again for a really worthy cause – my kids are priceless. However, motherhood does come at a price as we lose our sense of self. Being a mum is much harder than a regular job sitting at your computer as it’s just so physically and mentally draining…. This is why it’s so important to squeeze into your day as many little things as possible to make you feel uplifted to help you get through your day in one piece, even if it is around the kids. It may seem selfish to some people, but a good bit of self care goes a long way, so who cares what other people think…

I have always thought I deserve much more, but truth be told, I didn’t really understand my true worth back then, what I am truly capable and deserving of, and I am still working to understand it even now as it is a steep learning curve. I didn’t realise I had closed off opportunities to achieve more for myself purely because of the fears I had inside my head that did a great job at talking me out of taking more risks in life, so even though I have achieved great things for myself, I didn’t take a lot of risks because of my fear of failure. Also, I hadn’t found that thing that really lit me up and made me feel like I can bring real good value in the world and make a difference in other people’s lives.

Do you ever feel like you could do something much more fulfilling with your life, and include your passions as part of your life too aswell as all the things you need to do on your to do list? I’ve always been told that it’s not possible to do that thing you love most and make a living. But why not? This is where you feel the most joy when you make sure you include what you love into your life and make your happiness priority number one.

Investing in my musical skills has so far been one of the key tools I have used to help increase my energy, happiness and joy, and my intuition is telling me I must invest more in this area. All I know right now is that the more I receive and feel joy, the more I want of it in my life as I know it helps to light my soul up and fuel my energy and passion for life even more.

If you don’t look after or feel good in yourself, it’s not easy to look after the other people around you and be in the best state of mind, which is essential for happiness to come about and make you glow inside.

This week, I experienced a shift in perspective. I decided to create that picture in my head on “paper” (the electronic version) of what it is I want in life, my big goals, and it really does help to shape the perspective in my mind and opened up a more creative part of me that has managed to piece some more bits of the puzzle together for the course I am creating which I am really excited about.

It’s one thing thinking about your dreams in your mind…. but writing them down and actually “drawing them out” on paper that makes it feel more real inside your head, and helps you to feel more driven to achieve your goals. It is possible to dream big, you deserve to make your dreams come true too and to be happy – just because you are a mum, your lives don’t have to end right now. You are worth making happiness for yourself an important priority in life too….

Sometimes it’s just the simple pleasures in life that you can introduce into your lives. Just making a little time to read a book with a cup of green tea enjoying some peace and quiet before the kids get up feels really good to me, or somehow managing to squeeze in a bit of time to listen to my favourite music or play my flute when I can manage it. Especially on the weekend whilst the kids are watching a bit of TV or just chilling in the morning, it is a perfect time to make time for a little activity for you, that helps to stimulate and relax your mind, body and soul (before the chaos begins again). It’s so important allow yourself some well-deserved me-time, no guilt attached.

Eventually, if you are consistent, the kids will get used to the idea that this is something you do, it will become a part of who you are aside from being a mummy. They have to learn at some point and the earlier they learn, the better! There is definitely more to life than housework, and sometimes, it is necessary to leave the house a mess (it isn’t easy I know) whilst you care for your needs – and unless you stop doing housework and chores, they will never stop! You can get so bogged down and overwhelmed in the mundane to-do list, that you feel like you are drowning in it, and feel like you have lost the feeling of control over your life. And this doesn’t feel good and can really affect our outlook and mood.

So yes, even if it is in bite sized chunks, it is possible to make your dream life happen, but you have to demonstrate to yourself that you are worth giving that extra love and attention – no one else can love you as much as you can or knows your needs better than you do. Always make sure you look out for your own best interests as well as everyone else and get some enjoyment out of life, whatever it is that you do for a living. No one is superior to the other, we are all human beings after all, and should treat each other with kindness and compassion, including our very own selves.